When it comes to understanding the need to change our behaviors, my wise teacher, Marsha Linehan, cuts right to the chase:
“Distress tolerance, at least over the short run, is part and parcel of any attempt to change oneself; otherwise, impulsive actions will interfere with efforts to establish desired changes.”
In shorthand: If nothing changes, nothing changes.
And UGH. She’s totally right. I know, I’m asking something big here. But I’m also promising something big here – FREEDOM and a brand new relationship with food and yourself. And the truth is, in establishing a new, healthy relationship with food, a lot’s got to change! Number one on that list of things that have to change is not turning to food to solve your emotional needs and problems.
We can’t say expect things to change if we keep all of our old habits and behaviors. That just wouldn’t make sense. I’m your coach, not a magician! And while we might know this rationally, there’s still a resistance to change in our life. We have bad habits that we need to change – and we have habits of rationalizations – or as we call it RATIONAL LIES – and reasons for why it’s okay this time or it’s no big deal. We can feel emotionally compelled to keep things as they are, and it’s not in our best interest.
No worries, my loves – this is a SOLVABLE PROBLEM….YAY! But one that takes some behavioral change – in order for your relationship with food to transform from a relationship of dependence to a relationship of love and nurtance. As long as you are going to food in times of sadness, loneliness, anger, joy, and distress, your relationship with food cannot heal.
So now we are left with two truths:
- Change is hard
- We need to change in order to create a healthy relationship with food
Both are true. So our decision is do we decide not to change, and accept that we will stay in our unhealthy, abusive relationship with food? Or do we take steps to not turn to food to solve our emotional problems, and turn to new, more loving ways to manage our emotions so we can create the relationships of our dreams?
What can you do to start your new and healthy habits today? I believe in you, wholeheartedly.